You have probably read every one of these jokes and you have probably seen all the pictures

These are JOKES and do not represent the beliefs or morals of our staff. If you are offended by anything written here, that's your problem and we apologize for your lack of exposure to world cultures. If a joke is copyrighted material, please notify us and it will be removed within 12 hours.

True bravery is arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys.....

Then.....being assaulted with a broom by your wife and still having the guts to ask:

While examining an elderly Minnesotan, the doctor and the old man were talking about Senator John Kerry possibly being in the white House one day.

The old gentleman said, "Well, ya know, Kerry is a `post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle is.

The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid bastard get down."

Do you smell anything here? ----->

It's a scent

Do you see any fruit here? ------>

It's a pear

Do you see any snakes here? ------>

It's three copperheads

Do you see any cars here? ------>

It's four Lincolns

Do you see any sex here? ------>

Hell no, and you won't for five cents !!!

One morning a husband took a pair of underwear out of the drawer.
What the hell?" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.

April," he hollered into the bathroom, "why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"

She shot back: "It's not talcum powder. It's 'Miracle Grow'."

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA WERE WATCHING A HEALING PROGRAM ON TV. THE EVANGELIST CALLED TO ALL WHO WANTED TO BE HEALED, TO PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON THE BODY PART THEY WANTED HEALED.

GRANDMA HOBBLED TO THE TV AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON HER ARTHRITIC HIP.

GRANDPA MADE HIS WAY TO THE SET AND PUT ONE HAND ON THE TV AND THE OTHER ON HIS CROTCH.

GRANDMA LOOKED AT HIM WITH DISGUST. "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, FRED. THE PURPOSE OF THIS PROGRAM IS TO HEAL THE SICK, NOT RAISE THE DEAD."

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly a brunette), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE

Two brunettes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE

A brunette suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the brunette is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The brunette replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE

A brunette was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

What did the brunette ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a brunette in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her U.S. government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a brunette was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the brunette ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

One question IQ Test...

There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...

He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of sunglasses."